No More Fake Friends

When you think of the term ‘spring clean’, one may generally associate it to cleaning a house or your cupboard or a collection of sorts. Take, for example, my make-up collection—a vast assortment of products collected over the last year or two, perhaps even earlier than that. Do I need everything in that collection? Probably not, but I hoard it anyway. “Maybe it might be useful to me in the future,” I’ll often think to myself. The real question is, do I need as much as I have?

But the task of spring cleaning isn’t merely about physically tidying my life (which reminds me, my cupboard needs a good look-over), but also mentally and emotionally refreshing it. The relationships in my life: ones that I’ve collected over the years, most of which no longer serve any sort of purpose. So why do I hang onto them? Why do I deem it necessary to know what one of my old high school friends or party buddies or ex-hook ups are doing with their time? And, thus, why do they deem it necessary to know what I’m doing with mine? 

The older I get, the more I understand that everything happens for a reason. I used to try and fight against this idea, because I was truly trying to manufacture and manoeuvre my life in a way that I felt like it should go. I wasn’t allowing things to happen naturally; I was doing things because I felt that I had to, not because I wanted to. There’s a big difference there. Bring it down to a sign of the times in which I was existing in and it all kind of makes sense. We all did it and, to some extent, still do.

The past few years have been a real eye-opener for me. I fell out of infatuation with the person that I, for years, thought that I’d inevitably end up with. I began to pick up on the bullshit and lies that was being built up and burnt down around me, calling it out and making my disdain known. I found the true meaning of self love and wholeheartedly began to embrace it. I started living for me, unapologetically. 

Someone once said to me, we have this one body—this one flesh, this one heart, this one soul—why waste our time trying to fit into the expectations of others? Why waste our time trying to please those around us for all the wrong reasons? Why try and maintain relationships and friendships that have ended?

Everyone and everything has their own journey, their own path. Some things fizzle completely. Some things move away and come back together. Some things are there forever. Why should we, as humans, try and manipulate the natural order of our lives rather than just be? Why don’t we just do what we feel is right for ourselves and not what other people feel is right for us?

The other night, I was aimlessly scrolling through my Facebook. I saw people tagged in things—people who, to my surprise, I didn’t recognise. But I was friends with them on Facebook? That doesn’t make any sense! So I kept scrolling—it happened again. When was the last time I saw or spoke to this person? So, that’s when I decided to go on a bit of a cull. My rule was simple: have I seen or spoken to this person in the last six months? No? Well, delete. Then it became a case of, even if I hadn’t, whether or not they still provided some sort of value in my life. I slowly but surely plucked away at my Friends list—best friends in high school? Sure. But what purpose are they serving in my life at this moment? Nothing?! Sweet, then see ya!

As harsh it sounds and as almost stupidly guilty as I felt, it had to be done. Because, emotionally, this is all unnecessary baggage or clutter. It’s like having a really bad break up with someone but still wearing their favourite jumper every day, what’s the point?

270-odd “friends” deleted, and I’m now still sitting somewhere between 450-500 on my Facebook friends list. Do they all serve an incredible purpose in my life? Honestly, no. But that’s why a refresher cull will be happening at some point in the next few days. Are people going to get pissy at me for deleting them? Probably. But that’s more a reflection on their insecurities than on me. 

Having old relationships and habits congesting our souls isn’t healthy, just like eating McDonalds every day for a week isn’t healthy. Why do we feel the need to hang onto things that no longer serve purpose to us? Why do we feel the need to know what those who we don’t love but used to know are up to? Why do we look for validation from strangers rather than staring in the mirror and saying I love you?

Life isn’t a game. Life isn’t a race. Life isn’t a competition.